Tuesday, April 25, 2006

Global warming? Problem solved!

Turns out a team of scientists is batting around a plan to build a giant glass "window" the size of Australia in outer space to bend the light of the sun around earth and reduce the rising temperature of our planet caused by global warming.

They will launch 10 (giant washer thingies the size of an early model Honda civic) a day for 20 or so years, at which point the "window", when finished, will deflect sunlight, assuming that the launched giant washer thingies are exactly where they're supposed to be, and the earth will cool.

And the even better news is that the whole thing is only going to run us a couple few trillion smackeroonies!

[Please don't ask me to explain how we'll go from gillions of giant washer thingies to a "window"; it was on NPR and clearly I missed "the middle part". But that's not my point. My point is…]

Ha! That'll learn you, you tree-hugging lieberal cashocrats! We've been saying all along that there's no need to worry about global warming for the same reason that there's no need to worry about our addiction to oil. (And love.) Why is there no reason to worry about our addiction to global warming, oil and love? We'll I'll tell you why, you democretins.

Because we've been saying all along that our technological advances will catch up to our innate ability to "shit where we eat", to "do it in the nest", to "dump 50,000,000 gallons of paint thinner into our rivers and streams which contaminates our water table and aquifers", if you will.

I.e., "It's not the environment, stupid!" It's the science. You blame-ocrats are so glass half-empty. Can't you see the pessimism in your own views and takes on matters? What the hell does Robert Kennedy, Jr. know about the environment? It's not like that demosplat ever made a study of it or anything. He, like all spendocrats, just yammers on and on with the first knee-jerk reaction, while hard-working, god-fearing/loving scientists labor with body and soul at plans to put an enormous window a million miles from earth in outer space, a sort of "cosmic skylight" or "stellar sun roof" or "tinted glasses", sort of.

So let that be a lesson to all you demfatcats: You have to spend money to make money you don't have because you've already spent it on something you didn't need. Taste my pain, beetches! Because when you just throw money at a problem, you have to throw it really hard to get it to "stick".

(I hear Haliburton is working on the design prototype. Is there a future in climate futures? Ka-ching!!!)

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