Monday, April 17, 2006

I feel naked

and I kinda like it. A few weeks ago, I got this strapless bra at GAP that has this sticky stuff™ on the inside to hold itself to my skin. It's nude toned, so I can wear it under my white pima sweater today. Which I happen to be wearing with black linen pants for, you know, the black-and-white thing, and – insert wry expression as my lawyer flicks an ash that hits my Michael Kors mules (on sale, baby!) for my trial.

I had been looking specifically for a strapless that didn't bunch up under summer clothes and would form to my skin as though I were wearing nothing. The one I bought comes in a box and the busy young man working the counter asked me if I'd like it taken out to examine it. "Oh, yes," I purred. We touched the sticky stuff™ together. I commented as I touched the sticky surface that it almost felt like it should come off when you remove your finger. "Yeah, but it doesn't," the GAP soldier nodded. I asked him if many women had bought the bra. He told me that no one had returned one on his watch. "Well, ring me up, then, GAP soldier!"

At the register, the GAP soldier told me if I didn't like it, I could return the bra, which is called NuBra, or something like that and comes, well, cupped, in a plastic mold inside the box. I had it for a week before I wore the thing, first around my apartment to test it out. The sticky stuff™ on the as-yet unpatented NuBra left me somewhat uncertain. Will it hold me or will it leave me?"

Thus far it has held me.

I don't wear it daily, as the sticky stuff™ seems to be losing part of itself. Every time I remove the NuBra, I wash it carefully with my facial soap and warm water. Get the water too hot, then you lose the sticky stuff™. As the temperatures rise outside, I sometimes feel a little bit of de-suctioning of the sticky stuff™. At moments, it feels like I could lose the whole stick. When I'm certain no one is around, I simply cup the NuBra and press just to make certain that the sticky stuff™ sticks.

It's probably only a matter of time before someone catches me, um, touching myself and either reports me or asks to join me. It's not a sexual thing. It's just a measure to keep the sticky stuff™ adhered to my form.

Form is everything, you know.

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